How teachers helped me to sing
And shaped my self-esteem in the process
Singing has been part of history since immemorial times and still we are never tired of hearing new voices popping in the music industry every single day, giving life to words and emotions through the power of their vocal cords. Except AI, of course.
And me, well, I have loved singing and despite the odds, I never gave up on the dream of learning how to do it properly, meaning, not scaring people away (lol). So over the years, I tried my best on my own, trying to mimic any artist I liked and hoping for the best until I was able to pay for private lessons.
When I decided it was time to dare and hopefully learn this thing correctly, I was still studying violin, but already hopeless that I would get anywhere after 6 years of dedication. My first teacher didn’t have any technical knowledge, but she was a singer herself, always doing gigs during the high season and had a passion for singing and to use her voice to move the world. Energising to find someone passionate, yet I found it intimidating.
At the time, I hadn’t sung in front of other people more than my close family members, which now makes me remember my mother saying I didn’t need a microphone because I was too loud. So, on my first lesson, I was extremely tense and had no idea what to expect. Surprisingly, it went well and I felt convinced to return the following week. As the weeks went on, I noticed improvements on my tuning, but still struggled to reach high notes, not really knowing what I was doing wrong. I continued under this teacher’s tutelage for the rest of the year until the yearly audition, where all students gathered to show their talent to their families and friends.
My chosen song, based on the list prepared by the school, was “Civil War” from Guns ‘n’ Roses. Yes, you are right, it is a low song for a woman to sing but I have a low voice, so it went well. So well that I still remember my best friend from college shaking me in anger because I never told her I could sing at all. The other songs I participated in were together with the violin group and that went okay.
For the upcoming year, I grew bold and decided to look for a band and continue my studies. I found one and they called me for an interview, which I went and pushed my brother to tag along, who at the time was into electric guitars. Finally, both of us ended up in the band and they recommended me to another singing teacher, who was a friend of the producer.
The producer was kind in accompanying me to the first meeting with the teacher, where she explained the purpose of the band and what kind of help she believed I needed in order to thrive. At the time, I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into, but looking back now, I am happy I embarked on that journey. Suffering, but rewarding in the end, like any other.
During the band rehearsals, I was praised by my efforts despite not delivering the quality needed, which helped me keep trying. During my lessons, I questioned if I should ever sing again.
This new teacher had technical background and had a band as well. Her teaching methods were not as different from my previous one, but she had no patience and lacked in explaining to me what exactly I was supposed to do. She liked my voice, like most, but that didn’t give me confidence at all to continue pursuing the path. As the months passed, my self-esteem diminished tenfold.
At the time, she defined me as an “Alto”, which is the lowest vocal range for female voices, followed by “Mezzo Soprano” and “Soprano”, medium and high ranges respectively. Not bad if you think about Cher and Etta James. Based on this analysis, my teacher was ruthless in saying I would never be able to sing certain songs the band wanted to have on the setlist, which then crushed everyone’s hope that I would eventually become a good singer and reach fame and fortune.
Despite the tragedies, I finally learned that more volume was not the way to reach high notes and the only thing I would get was damage to my vocal cords. I searched on YouTube several videos about techniques and applying myself more in studying at home, which helped slightly but more than anything, I finally understood I needed to listen. Listen to all the sounds around me, as they would give me the hint I needed to know which note to sing.
By the time I came to that conclusion, the band was over and I had stopped my lessons for good.
With my self-esteem and hope crushed to the underground, I returned to singing in the shower if the mood struck, now only disturbing my husband in the process. To my surprise though, I still got encouragement from a friend from work, as we gathered once a month to play together in a private studio, just for fun. And of course, I didn’t escape from being invited to play and sing at the Annual Christmas department party, having the VP watching it from the first row. Moments of deep embarrassment that sometimes are better to forget.
Despite not daring to sing again, I didn’t abandon music entirely. I eventually bought a mandolin and tried to learn it and in the process finding new ways to sing songs I liked. One I still hope to play again is “Back to black” from Amy Winehouse. The mandolin gave it such a deeper, sad tone to it, accompanied by the cello played by my husband, which turned into an interesting piece.
Fast forwarding a few years. I bought a clarinet, now daring to explore something else from anything I’d done before. I still have it, in fact, but barely managed to do any sound out of it.
Now living in Sweden, I hoped to study singing again, now convinced I owed it to myself. In my new house, we made a “studio“ in the basement full of instruments where I could finally explore my full potential without bothering anyone.
Then, searching on the internet for a teacher that I felt would not bother to teach me in English until I came across an Italian teacher not too far from work and didn’t hesitate to book a first lesson. Her methods and patience in teaching transformed completely my experience and gradually I felt I was getting somewhere.
I’m getting ahead of myself now. In our first lesson, I finally learned that despite being able to reach low notes I was not an “Alto”, but a “Mezzo-soprano” and as my studies progressed, a suspicion that maybe I could even be a “Soprano” was in the air.
The main struggle I faced, still do but less now, was to sing softly, leaving the desire to reach all corners of the world with my voice behind and simply embracing the calmness and leaving the microphone to do its job. Despite my huge levels of frustration in not being able to achieve the quality I hoped for, my Italian teacher was calm and kept encouraging me.
A few songs that we tackled in our classes were the ones I would never dream of being able to sing three years ago. If you asked me five years ago, I would have laughed at your face and called you insane. Some of them were: “Dream on” from Aerosmith; “Un-break my heart” from Tony Braxton; “Going under” from Evanescence; “Nobody’s wife” from Anouk; “Summertime Sadness” from Lana del Rey.
Today, with my courage renovated I feel able to go on a stage and at least pretend to know what I am doing, or singing in this case. Having someone believing in me and guiding me all the way transformed my relationship with my voice and music. But the most important lesson of all this journey for me was to never give up.
I continue to sing alone at home for now. Maybe when I feel braver I try again to join a band and see what happens.
Have a lovely day!